Martin Family Adventure

Ready for another round?

I know I say this a lot, but there really IS never a dull moment in the Martin household. Sometimes I picture God sitting up in heaven, his feet propped up on some pillows and he's enjoying a bowl of popcorn while he watches the goings-on in our family. He doesn't need TV because he has the Martin family to watch. 

Saturday night, we had planned to have some family and friends for poker night. It was kind of last minute since I had driven to NH to meet my mom half-way from RI to pick up my grandfather and bring him home. One by one, people backed out and by 7 pm, we assumed it was just going to be a quiet night at home. 

Quiet night at home? Yeah, right! Girly decided she wanted to do a make-over on David because I'm allergic to make-up. Since she can't do make-overs on me and there's no way Zach would let her, David is usually game. He's let her paint his nails in the past and he's gone to work like that. The guys made fun of him but he's quite secure in his sexuality. 

Girly put bright blue eye shadow on David and made it go all the way up to his eyebrows. It was at that moment, when she finished, that the dogs started barking and we knew someone was here. His buddy from work had shown up with his girlfriend, so that's how David met them at the door. They made sure to tell him that he looked quite sexy, though I think it will be a while before the world can accept someone bringing sexy back that looks like that! I only wish I had a picture to share with you!

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Zach is up to his usual antics today and it all happened before 8:30 am. 

I looked in the kitchen to find Zach all the way at the top of the cupboards (we have a slightly valuted ceiling in our house). He was doing it to get laughs from Girly and my neice and nephew. He got laughs from them but he didn't get any from me. I told him to get down and that the cupboards are not made to hold his weight. His answer?

"Well, they didn't break!"

Whatever, Zach. 

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In the midst of writing this, before 10 am, Girly has managed to dump over a pitcher of pink lemonade all over the kitchen floor. Her way of cleaning it up is to throw a dish towel on the floor, stand on top of it and shimmy across the floor while pushing lemonade across the floor and not really cleaning it up. 

Seriously? I give up. 

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But back to Zach. He has a habit of cussing at inanimate objects when they don't do what he wants them to do or something isn't working out to his liking. 

He also has an affection for peanut butter. He'll walk around with a jar of PB and a big serving spoon. He'd finish off a whole jar in 15 minutes if I let him (which I don't). 

This morning, he was trying to get as much of the PB out of the jar as he could so he was digging the spoon and his hand into the jar. That meant that he got PB on his hands. He went to the sink to wash off his hands...but if you remember, we don't have hot water right now so it's kind of hard to wash PB off unless you're patient, use a lot of soap and wipe your hands in between with paper towels. 

He was getting really frustrated that it wasn't coming off his hands, so as he usually does with inanimate objects, he let loose with, "F&*% YOU, Peanut butter!"

Oh, Zach, you do have a way with words.

Now, remember, this is all before 8:30 am!

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A little while ago, the DHL delivery guy just stopped by with the last of my college textbooks that I need for this semester. My niece met the guy at the door.....looking like this:

Complete with uni-brow, goatee and swirled mustache. 

Damn, we're on a roll! 10 am and we've started  the day off strong. 

I told you the day wasn't over yet!

This is a continuation of the day that I posted about HERE.

My kids don't start school till next Wednesday so there's still a little time left to enjoy the rest of the summer here in northern Vermont. Since I had my neice and nephew here today, as well, we all took a trip down to the lake, which is only 2.5 miles down the road. 

Girly and Hannah rode bikes down and being the mother and aunt that I am, I was a bit cautious to let two beautiful young blonde girls ride 2.5 miles down to the lake through a stretch that didn't have too many houses around, so I drove either behind or in front of them (at times) and kept them in my sights. Yes, it took a lot longer to drive to the lake this way, but they're precious to me so I wanted to make sure they were safe. 

The lake was a bit on the cold side, but that didn't stop the girls from going in and it didn't stop Zach from going in to the still part with his net and his jar to catch minnows. It DID stop Ethan (my nephew) from going in so he sat on his towel and ate food. 

Zach started off by catching two minnows before they realized that they needed to get the heck away from him. When he realized the minnows had left, he proclaimed, "My eyes have turned to shit." This is as opposed to when things are going his way and he claims, "My eyes have turned to hearts." 

That was just the start of the cuss words today. On the way home from the lake, he told me, "Mom, when you tell me to do something I don't want to do or to go somehwere I don't want to go, my ears turn to f**kers." 

Eventually, the fish came back and he caught quite a few. He asked if he could put a couple into the fish tank at home and I said it was okay. Later that night, David said, "Erika, remember that baby bass that Zach put in the fish tank a couple weeks ago? I think it laid eggs because there's a ton of baby fish in the tank." 

That's when I realized that Zach didn't put a "couple" fish in the tank. He put ALL the fish he caught in the tank. 

(Yes, I know Zach is insanely skinny. He eats like a pig, though, and the doctor says he's healthy and active and that's all the matters.)

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It's pretty crazy to see what kids come up with to play with. We didn't take anything with us to the lake, like floaties, buckets and shovels, etc. Kids are usually pretty resourceful when they don't have any toys with them. 

My poor kids have the shallow end of the gene pool, but so do my niece and nephew. Their mother is my sister and their father is my husband's brother. Yes, if you do the math right, it's not as gross as it sounds when you first hear it. My sister's kids can be just as crazy as my own kids. 

Hannah found a plank of wood and a piece of charred wood from an extinguished bonfire and made a sign. Yes, it says, "Welcome, now go away." 

When we left, we propped it up on the beautiful and artistic looking piece of driftwood at the top of the beach, where everyone can see it when they arrive. We're just evil like that. >:) 

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So, that was my Friday. I hope yours was less eventful than mine. :)

A day of misadventures

Today has been morphing into a day of misadventures. 

Here's a conversation that transpired between Zach and I this morning (very reminiscent of yesterday's coversation):

Zach: Mom have you washed those spoons yet?

Me: No, not yet. I'm planning to get to that sometime today. 

Zach: Those dishes have been there for at least two day or maybe months! 

Me: Zach, they've only been there for a day. 

Zach: Then when am I going to get a clean spoon?

Me: When you wash one for yourself. 

Zach: I told you yesterday to get your butt out there and wash them. 

Me: And I told you yesterday that you can wash them yourself and not to talk to me that way. If you're so impatient, then would you like to wash the dishes for me?

Zach: No!

Me: Then be more patient and show some more respect.

Zach: I'm sorry, Mom.

Erika: I forgive you.

Zach: Thank you, Mom.

Me: You're welcome, Zach.

Zach: I love you, Mom.

Me: I love you, too. 

For the record, I finally did get to the dishes today after heating up a couple pots of water on the stove. Before I got to that, though, Zach washed his own spoon. 

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I finally told Girly that she was not wearing her pair of jean shorts for another day longer and that she needed to take them off and put them in the washer. They could have walked there on their own, they were that nasty. She put up a fuss about it, but I won in the end. I told her to wash up and get another pair of undies and shorts on. She insisted that she had no other shorts to wear, which I knew to be bull-kaka because I had just washed and folded a bunch of shorts that I made for her earlier in the summer. Right now, though, she's on a jean shorts kick. She brought out another pair of jeans for me and asked me to cut them down to make shorts. I told her I would deal with it later today. She put up a fit and insisted she was going to cut them down herself. I told her that if she did, I wasn't going to hem them for her. She insisted that she could do it herself since she has her own sewing machine and knows how to sew. 

She laid her pants on the floor of my craft studio and was about to cut them herself. WITH A ROTARY CUTTER AND NO MAT! Yes, she was going to use my berber carpet as a cutting mat with a wicked sharp rotary cutter. I had to invoke the threat of calling Dad at work just to get her to stop. So, what does she do? Throws the jeans on my craft table and also throws the rotary cutter. The saying, "don't throw scissors" also covers any other cutting tool, including rotary cutters. 

She yelled at me and I sent her to her room. She came out a little bit later with a pair of capris on and crying because she felt so bad for the way she treated me. She hugged me and apologized. It's nice to know that time outs actually work and that she's thinking through her actions and making things right. See? There's no need for violent parenting. 

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Back to Zach, he asked me this morning if he could climb on the roof of the house. I told him, "Absolutely not!" A little bit later, I hear my neice yelling to me, "Zach is walking on the house!"

Yup, I go outside and Zach is walzing back and forth across the roof of the house. Apparently, he only heard the word, "Absolutely," and didn't hear the "not!"

I told him to "GET DOWN FROM THERE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?"

He said, "Oh, Mom, that was SOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOL!"

*bangs my forehead with my hand*

After we talked about the consequences of walking on the roof and explaining that Dad is only allowed to because he's careful, has experience and he was up there to fix something, he ended up with a time-out in his room. 

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My niece and nephew are here for the day while my sister is at work. They love the trampoline and so do the neighbor's grandkids. They usually play nice together, but I had to go out and have a talk with my neighbor's granddaughter, explaining to her that, "No, you can't kick Hannah in the crotch on purpose." She promptly through a 6-year old temper tantrum and told me that she was going home forever. I just replied, "Okay." Really, what else was I supposed to say? She offered!

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Speaking of the neighbor's granddaughter, she was outside a bit later and eating an orange. She asked Zach if he wanted part of it. He said yes and she handed it to him and he quickly rolled it across the street and into the ditch on the other side of the road. 

I got a knock on my door telling me all of this, so I handed a replacement orange to her and then called Zach to me so that I could ask him what was going on. His answer?

"She asked me if I wanted some and I told her yes, but I was really kidding and just wanted to roll it across the street."

It was an honest answer, but then he had to give an honest apology. 

That's when I realized he hadn't yet had his Concerta for the morning. 

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And to think that all of this happened before 10 am. The day is still young so I guess it's not really a "day of misadventures," it's only been a morning of misadventures......*sigh.* There's still another 8 or so hours to go. 

Welcome to our adventurous world of OCD and cussing

This is definitely one of those "The Good, Bad and Ugly" posts. Where I let it all hang out.

Some people ask me what a normal day with Zach is like. Well, that depends on what his OCD is focusing on at the time or what autistic quirks are showing themselves at the time. Since his recent "thing" is swearing, that's pretty much what a normal day is like with Zach right now.

I was just going through my video camera on the computer to download videos I wanted to save, make room on the camera and get rid of the ones I didn't want to keep. Every now and then, the kids will take the camera and it's always a surprise to me when I download videos. I get some keepers, for sure.

Here's one that Girly took. She was apparently spying on Zach so that she could bust him and tattle to David with video evidence in hand. Since they're at school right now, I can laugh without them hearing me.

Needless to say, this recent OCD behaviour with the swearing becomes a big issue in school and it's pretty much pointless to tell people in public that this is due to his autism and OCD because I don't always want to be labeling Zach and especially not in front of him. We're working on this, but we're at a loss at the moment. 

You have your fair warning. There's lots of f-bombs (that's his favorite cuss word) and other unsavory words.  In the meantime, welcome to my world! It can be frightening, hilarious, frustrating and rewarding all at the same time.

Never a dull moment in this house

It's been far too long since I've written here. Life is continuously an adventure here in the Martin house. It's not that I lack stuff to write about, but I'm always running around in a million directions so this blog often gets over looked, but no longer. 

My mom (Donna, from Spatuals, Corkscrews & Suitcases) and I talk often on the phone during the week, being that she's in Rhode Island and I'm here in Vermont and we're the best of friends and I hate being away from her. We connect as often as we can on the phone and through email. She's given me the motivation and some ideas for my blog and as she usually does, she made me laugh and snort at the list she gave me. You'll soon see this blog come alive with posts pertaining to that list. You see, she gets to hear the good, bad and ugly of our adventurous life. Most of it is just downright laughable and I don't think most people would believe me if they heard most of the stuff that goes on here, but I'm going to attempt to put it all out there because it's memorable and laugh-worthy. Hey, if it's insane, I might as well share it because then you can feel better about your own life, right? After all, I tell David that's the reason I watch shows like "Keeping up with the Kardashians" (don't judge me!). He says, "How can you watch that show?" I tell him, "Because watching their lives makes me feel like mine is somewhat normal!" 

Speaking of not normal...

Life is never a dull moment in our house. Then again, there never was when I was growing up either. My family lineage is destined to be full of the "crazy." I think that's what keeps many of us feeling so young. I look at myself at 34 years of age and wonder why I don't feel as mature as I should be at this age and now I know why. It's the "crazy" in our family gene pool. It just passes from generation to generation and each suceeding generation seems to get even more of the "crazy." My poor kids. haha!

At the beginning of March, we got dumped with 25 + inches of snow.

The kids didn't have school for two days because of it. Our back door was drifted shut (above). The drifts at the school completely covered the front entrance and went right up to the roof! 

So, what do you do on snow days when you're stuck safe inside? You (the girl-child) build forts in Mom's studio...

And more forts...and then while you're (the boy-child) sticking your tongue out at your sister, the dog sneaks in for a kiss. Blech! Ew! And your sister finds it funny because payback is a beyotch!

And then later on, you both put on bathing suits and fill up the jet tub and pretend it's summer. But the water starts to get cold and I come in and you (the girl-child) say, "Mom, the water was getting cold but now it's warm again." I say, jokingly, "You didn't pee in it, did you?" You giggle and say, "Yeah!" Your brother gets disgusted and says, "Ew, Girly. That's so gross." He squints his face and says, "There, I got you back!" Yes, he peed in the tub, too. ugh. *Sigh*

There are definitely times when I'm so glad that even at 12 and almost 11 years old, you two are still very childlike. But believe me when I tell you that I'm going to be telling these stories when you bright your first dates home. 

Late Night Prank Misadventure

I have a girl-child that loves to pull pranks. I'm not sure how it all started, but trust me when I say that it's turned into a monster! My son is also playing pranks now because he's trying to get his sister back. She's not the only victim of his pranks, though. It started out as trying to get even, but now my hubby and I are victims, as well. I have to say that these kids have been quite creative in their pranking. Of course, the MTV show, "Pranked," and YouTube videos have been particularly helpful in giving the kids no end of ideas. 

My kids take melatonin at night. It's a natural sleep aid and helps them to fall asleep and sleep well. In fact, I take it, too. Well, the other night, my daughter faked taking it so that she didn't sleep through the night. She woke up at 4:45 am, unbeknownst to us. At around 5 am, we heard a bit of a commotion so David got up to find out what was going on. 

Zach was disoriented and had water on his face and his bed. Fortunately, Girly took a video of her prank (it's nice to have evidence for the parents). I had to chuckle when I watched the video at her telling Zach not to wake Mom and Dad up. There's a bit of darkness at the beginning of the video, but hang in there. 

Here's what she did to him. None of us were impressed, but Zach, after the fact, thought it was a pretty good prank. 

Even though we've told them to hold off on the pranks, I have a feeling they're not going to listen. Just like they didn't listen when we told them the same thing before this prank was pulled off. 

There's never a dull moment in this family.