Before Day 4 started, I knew what I wanted to give, but I wanted to meditate and pray over it before I gave my gift. In Day 2 and Day 3, I wrote about the envelope of posters and clippings that my grandfather had given back to me. Through the healing that I found in giving my daughters the clippings and posters to put on her wall, I was also able to find that I could forgive my parents.
Yesterday, I wrote an email to them explaining the emotions I felt when opening the envelope and that I also found healing. It had all come full circle for me. I felt that something that was taken away from me was finally returned and I could finally put the grieving to rest after all these years. I was also finally able to give them forgiveness.
On Thursday, I made the difficult decision of reporting a coworker to my manager. I've never had to do anything like that before, but I spent Wednesday night processing what I had seen and heard and decided that I needed to write the report the next day. When I got into work, I talked to my manager and she had me write down the information to submit to the company. I don't like the being the cause of someone being reprimanded, but I knew I had to do the right thing, regardless of any consequences. Doing the right thing is not always the easy thing to do and it seems to come at a price.
On Day 4 (Friday), I was called into my manger's office and told that I had been given a write-up that would go in my permanent file. I had done the right thing by reporting to my manager, but because I didn't do it the day it happened and waited overnight, I was being reprimanded. To add to that, even though the report was anonymous, it was obvious that I had been the one to report because of who was in close proximity when the incident happened, and now I had that coworker avoiding me like the plague. I knew that this was going to be the price I had to pay for doing the right thing, but I had no idea it was going to be a double whammy by being written up, as well.
I hold myself to such high standards in so many areas of my life, especially when it comes to my job and the population of people I work with. To read the report and the words, "Erika failed to.....," I got really emotional about it. I had held it together up until that point. I'm not saying that I started crying and sobbing, but my eyes definitely got moist and I felt like I had let people down. My manager realized that this had hit me hard and so she explained that she and the higher-ups realized it took a lot of courage to write the report and this was just policy for the company because I didn't report it the same day. I was told that I was highly respected where I work and that it didn't have any negative effect on how they viewed me and my work. The words of encouragement and validation were a needed gift after being told I had been written up. I've decided to use this as a learning opportunity and take the words of affirmation as a gift.
What made me feel even better that evening was seeing that people had taken some free smiles from the sign I made on Day 2. I was a little discouraged on Day 3 when I noticed that no one had taken one yet, so this really made my day! To know that others were taking and possibly giving smiles was a gift of happiness to my spirit after a rough bump during the day.