Not long after David and I took a pregnancy test and found out that we were expecting Zach, I started a few letters to our future little one. I thought it was appropriate to start out the new book, Zach: Uncensored, (<--- click) with some of those letters. It only made sense to start the book with the first letter I wrote and so here is Chapter 1 as a preview.
July 9, 1998
Dear Little One,
It's exactly two weeks since we found out about you. Actually, we had a suspicion a week before that about you being there. I've meant since then to start writing like this but I waited until I got this separate notebook just for you. Someday, when you're old enough, you can read it through. This is your story. There's so much to write, I don't quite know where to start.
It's 5:35 in the morning right now. Your daddy just left for work. He gets up so early to make a good life for us. As for me, I've really been awake since 4:15 am. You've been keeping me up these past few nights. I haven't been feeling the best but that's all part of bringing you into the world. Your daddy and I are so excited about you becoming part of our family. You're our first child! Of course, we don't know if you'll be a boy or a girl yet. It's still too early to tell. We are just going to wait and be surprised. For the next seven and a half months, though, I think my curiosity will drive me nuts!
Two weeks ago, we were staying in Vermont with my family - your grandparents and uncles. We surprised them by showing up without notice to spend four nights with them at the end of our two weeks anniversary vacation. The next morning, June 25th, I took the home pregnancy test and there were two pink lines. You existed! Just like we have through and hoped and prayed! I was so excited! I hurried out of the bathroom and into the bedroom to tell your daddy about you. He was still sleeping; it was only about 7 am. I shook him awake and put the test in front of him and said, "Guess what this means!" It took a little while for him to grasp the meaning of it all because he was half asleep still. Eventually, though, he caught on. In some ways, we still find ourselves daring to believe it. We prayed for you to come and when we finally knew you were there, it seemed too good to be true. But it's certainly true and it's also certainly good. I've prayed for you for a long time.
Your daddy and I lay in bed and hugged each other tightly. We prayed and thanked God for you. It seemed like we were starting a whole new life. All kinds of thoughts started going through my head. Your upcoming birth. What would it feel like? Baby showers. The months that I would carry you in my belly. How would that feel? Would it be easy or would I have bad morning sickness? How big would I get? When should I start buying maternity clothes? There were so many things to think about; so many plans to be made.
We woke up my brothers and told them and my parents to come into the living room. We told them they were going to be grandparents and uncles. They also were very excited! Your grandfather (he wants to be called Opa) prayed for you right then and there. He thanked God that you were going to be a part of our family and prayed that you would grow to be healthy and that someday you would become a part of God's family, as well.
We called your great-grandparents on my side and told them about you and they were also very happy about you. Your Opa is telling everyone he know that he's going to be a grandfather.
9:15 am
I was finally able to get some more sleep. I was so tired. Since this past Monday, my morning sickness has only gotten worse. I've thrown up once but mostly it's just a very nauseous feeling that I have: an upset stomach, my head hurts, my muscles ache, and I get dizzy and lightheaded very easily. I haven't been able to go down to the horse barn this week yet because I just can't stand up for too long.
I've been trying to eat very healthy so you will be healthy, too. There are some foods that I love that right now I can't stand. I hope I'm doing a good job.
When we came home from Vermont, we told your daddy's parents and his brothers and my sister about you. They are all excited!
You should be born somewhere around the first week of March. Your due date is March 7th. My mother, your Nana, is planning to be here when you're born. She is looking forward to helping me with you. Of course, your daddy will be here, too. If he is at work, I'll call him and he'll rush right home. Our first midwife appointment is August 17th at 6:30 pm. The lady that is going to help deliver you is named Patty Lee. I've never met her before but your Aunt Kerri goes to her and says she is very nice. Many people we know have had her deliver their babies. She will come to our home and deliver you. You will be born right here in our little cozy apartment where it is warm and full of love. Your daddy and I will be so happy to finally have you here with us here at home where you belong - with us. We will love you so very, very, very much.
Only a month or so after you are born, our little family (we'll be three then, not just two) will move to Vermont to start a new life. Vermont is beautiful and I know you'll love growing up there. The piece of land we picked out has a beautiful view of the Adirondack Mountains in New York. The lake is not far away and Nana and Opa and your uncles will only be three miles away. You will grow up with horses, cats, chickens, goats, birds, and all kinds of animals around you and you'll go swimming in Lake Champlain and fishing with your daddy. You and I will take walks together and draw pictures and tell stories and play make-believe. And hopefully your daddy and I can give you brothers and sisters to play with. We are going to be one big, close, happy family.
You are only seven weeks old in my belly right now (it will be seven weeks this Sunday). We'd hardly know you were there since my belly hasn't gotten big yet but we do know you're there. On August 17th, at the midwife's office, you will be 12 weeks in my belly and Patty said we will probably be able to hear your heartbeat. I long just to hear your heartbeat, to hear you growing inside of me, growing. I long also for that day, seven and a half months from now, when we can welcome you into our family and I can hold you in my arms finally. To kiss your little hands and feet and your sweet little head. To look into your eyes and we can be able to see each other.
Well, I will put this notebook aside for now. I will keep writing in it throughout the entire time you are in my belly and even after you are born.
One more thing. Your daddy and I pray for you every day, many times during the day. Grow strong and health, my little one. I can't wait to see you.