Martin Family Adventure

29 Gifts - Day 6 - Today I give with joy

My meditation today started with, "Today I give with joy." I wanted to do something that would not only make the recipients bursting with happiness, but myself as well. 

My daughter and I started off the day with going for a walk up a small local mountain. Actually, we started off the day at my friends' kennel and cleaning up a lot of doggie poo and THEN took our beautiful hike. I was surprised at how out-of-shape I had become. There was a point not even half-way up the mountain that I wanted to turn around. I started experiencing cramps that eminated from the right side of my torso all the way up into my shoulder and neck. I asked Girly if she wanted to turn back, thinking that it would be a way out, but she said, "No way." There was no way I was getting out of it. I sat for a while and let the cramp work itself out and then started back up again. It took a total of 84 minutes to get up and down that 2.5 mile round trip hike. There were stops and starts all along the way, but I reminded myself that it's been a while since I was able to pound up this mountain without even stopping and so I needed to be gentle with myself. 

I am so glad I didn't stop and that I made it all the way to top. It was such a feeling of accomplishment. The view at the top was well worth it. 

It was wonderful to be able to spend that time hiking with my daughter and my two girl-dogs. Girly and I got to talk about some things that were on her heart and mind and I am continually impressed by how mature she has become. She still acts like the kid she is most of the time, but at 13 years old, she has a good head on her shoulders and has the ability to be wise beyond her years. That one-on-one time with her was a gift in itself that I was happy to be on the receiving end of. 

After our hike, we went to the grocery store for a few needed items and I had also promised Girly that I would get her some Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I honestly can't remember the last time I bought B&Js ice cream. I also let her get some pistachios and dried kiwis. That kid definitely has refined tastes! Those were my gifts to her and I gave them with happiness knowing that they also made her very happy. 

On our way out to the parking lot, Girly went to see what was new at the Redbox. While she was looking, I could hear a baby screaming and crying in a van with an adult. It looked like they were waiting for whoever had gone into the store. I've been in that place before when my babies wouldn't stop crying and screaming and remember how overwhelming that could get. I immediately thought of something that I give with joy that would possibly bring someone else joy. I walked into the drug store (next door to the grocery store) and picked out a bouquet of flowers. I had originally wanted to buy a single rose because I didn't want to spend too much money, but there were no singles left. It didn't take too much contemplation to decide that I should just go for the $8 bouquet because it would allow me to make more than one person happy. I immediately thought back to Cami's book, "29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change your Life," and the story about the flowers she bought and how she gave out single flowers along her walk home to strangers. 

When I came out of the drug store with the flowers, Girly asked, "Who are those for?" I told her, "I don't know yet." Shortly after, a woman came walking out of the drug store and I handed her a carnation and said, "Happy Sunday!" She said, "Thank you! You must have been able to tell I really needed this today." 

As Girly and I walked back to our truck to load up our groceries, I looked for people to hand the flowers out to and gifted them along the way. Everyone's smiles and joy as they received their flowers brought me excitement and joy, as well.  

I still had a small bouquet left in the pretty pink paper they came wrapped up in and as we were heading out of the parking lot, one of my friends was driving in. We both waved and I yelled out to her to come see me. She parked her car and quickly ran over and I handed her the rest of the bouquet. She told me that she was going to give it to a mutual friend who is having surgery tomorrow. It was such a wonderful feeling to know that my gift made someone happy and it was going to be regifted to make someone else happy. 

Later this evening, I took another 3.1 mile walk with the dogs to the creek down the road from our house. It was nice to get out again and spend quiet reflective time and watch the dogs play in the creek for a while.  Another gift for myself and my health.

A dear friend came by this afternoon and dropped off 3 lawn chairs that she knew we could use.  She has graciously supplied all of the lawn chairs we have in our yard now and at a perfect time of year. The chairs are a great gift, but her friendship is one of the best gifts ever. 

29 Gifts - Day 5 - Today I give with peace

I started my day with the meditation, "Today I give with peace." I didn't know what my gift would be for the day, but I remained open to the opportunity to present itself when the time came. Before an opportunity even came up, I had already been the recipient of a gift. 

When I left the house for work, I thought I had grabbed $2 in quarters to get myself a couple of Diet Peach Snapple iced teas on the way to work. Because I'm trying to watch my caloric intake and exercise more, I like to treat myself to something that is good for me but tastes like it a true treat. I knew that the convenience store on the way to work was having a special: 2 for $2. I brought my two bottles to the register and when I pulled out the coins from my pocket, I was disappointed that I would have to put one of the iced teas back because I had actually grabbed 7 quarters and 1 dime. Only $1.85. When I told the girl at the register that I needed to put one back, she counted what I'd put on the counter, pulled out some pennies from a little cup, and then said, "You're all set. Have a great day." Oh my goodness! Just that little gift of 15 cents was amazing, especially because I knew it was going to be a hot day at work and having my favorite cold drink was so exciting (it really doesn't take much for me).

When I got to work, one of the residents was sad because she had misplaced her water bottle. I went to the fridge and got a bottle of water for her to take on her walk and she gave me such a big hug and told me I was her hero for the day. What a special gift that was...but then I turned around and my manager was behind me and gave me another hug. It was like the iced tea - a Two-fer! 

I spent the next hour and a half making chocolate filled and chocolate dipped strawberries with the residents and then started on a beautiful art project we're working on to brighten up the activity room. While working on this activity, my manager came in and handed me a beautiful gift of notepaper and a matching pen and told me that it was a gift to show her appreciation of all that I do there. After the meeting we had the day before, I found myself having more enthusiasm for what I do each day I'm at work. 

During my dinner break, I decided to take a walk for the last 20 minutes. Walking during my breaks is something I've been wanting to do and it was a beautiful late afternoon out. Not a cloud in the sky and a delightful breeze. As I walked, I told myself that this was my gift of peace for the day. I posted on my Facebook: "Taking a walk in the beautiful late afternoon sunshine during my break at work. The peace, solitude, birds chirping, and quiet reflection time are a gift to myself. To me, from me, because I love me.  I know that's bad grammar at the end, but it's something that one of my friends said once and I've always loved it." When I got home, I posted, "I'm coming home from work with a peaceful heart. I was able to walk 2.1 miles this morning with the dogs and another 1.2 during my break at work. I've been eating really well and my self-control has been holding steady. I feel really good." 

I'm so glad I gave this gift to myself. It's given me motivation to keep going with my health journey and my number on the scale this morning confirms it. 

29 Gifts - Day 4 - Today I give with forgiveness

Before Day 4 started, I knew what I wanted to give, but I wanted to meditate and pray over it before I gave my gift. In Day 2 and Day 3,  I wrote about the envelope of posters and clippings that my grandfather had given back to me. Through the healing that I found in giving my daughters the clippings and posters to put on her wall, I was also able to find that I could forgive my parents. 

Yesterday, I wrote an email to them explaining the emotions I felt when opening the envelope and that I also found healing. It had all come full circle for me. I felt that something that was taken away from me was finally returned and I could finally put the grieving to rest after all these years.  I was also finally able to give them forgiveness. 

On Thursday, I  made the difficult decision of reporting a coworker to my manager. I've never had to do anything like that before, but I spent Wednesday night processing what I had seen and heard and decided that I needed to write the report the next day. When I got into work, I talked to my manager and she had me write down the information to submit to the company. I don't like the being the cause of someone being reprimanded, but I knew I had to do the right thing, regardless of any consequences. Doing the right thing is not always the easy thing to do and it seems to come at a price. 

On Day 4 (Friday), I was called into my manger's office and told that I had been given a write-up that would go in my permanent file. I had done the right thing by reporting to my manager, but because I didn't do it the day it happened and waited overnight, I was being reprimanded. To add to that, even though the report was anonymous, it was obvious that I had been the one to report because of who was in close proximity when the incident happened, and now I had that coworker avoiding me like the plague. I knew that this was going to be the price I had to pay for doing the right thing, but I had no idea it was going to be a double whammy by being written up, as well. 

I hold myself to such high standards in so many areas of my life, especially when it comes to my job and the population of people I work with. To read the report and the words, "Erika failed to.....," I got really emotional about it. I had held it together up until that point. I'm not saying that I started crying and sobbing, but my eyes definitely got moist and I felt like I had let people down. My manager realized that this had hit me hard and so she explained that she and the higher-ups realized it took a lot of courage to write the report and this was just policy for the company because I didn't report it the same day. I was told that I was highly respected where I work and that it didn't have any negative effect on how they viewed me and my work. The words of encouragement and validation were a needed gift after being told I had been written up. I've decided to use this as a learning opportunity and take the words of affirmation as a gift. 

What made me feel even better that evening was seeing that people had taken some free smiles from the sign I made on Day 2. I was a little discouraged on Day 3 when I noticed that no one had taken one yet, so this really made my day! To know that others were taking and possibly giving smiles was a gift of happiness to my spirit after a rough bump during the day.

29 Gifts - Day 3 - Today I give to let go

In yesterday's post, I talked about the envelope of basketball posters and clippings that my grandparents kept for me for 22 years. My grandfather found them the other day and gave them back to me when I visited him yesterday.  This morning, my meditation was, "Today I give to let go." 

As soon as I opened the envelope, I knew that I would be giving the contents to my daughter as today's gift.  When I handed them to her this morning, she said, "Yeah, I saw that you wrote about this on Facebook!" She was extremely happy that she had some new things to put on her wall. I told her that some of the posters probably needed tape on the creases because they were old and had been sitting in an envelope for a very long time. I could hear the tape being unrolled in her room....to find out that she was attempting to use a big roll of packing tape. I got her a roll of regular tape and when I came back later, she had the posters and clippings on her wall. 

Something about seeing these pictures up again after all these years made me happy. To know that she'll be able to play out her years of middle school and high school basketball of her own free will makes my heart happy. My parents forced me to quit when I was a sophomore, right after they pulled my siblings and me out of public school to homeschool us for religious reasons. 

I've had to process a lot from my past over the years. When my daughter started playing basketball in fourth grade,  the processing started all over again. While I was excited that she could play ball and wouldn't have to experience the same things I did as a teenager, it brought back a lot of feelings that I hadn't dealt with in years and had pushed towards the back of my mind. Many times over the year, since my daughter has been playing ball, I've confronted my anger and disappointment over not being allowed to play ball. It was the only sport I played and I adored the game.  When the new season would start for my daughter, the anger would bubble up again and I'd confront it until it simmered down and I could put it away until the next year when the season started up again. My daughter is now in seventh grade and that means this process has gone on for four basketball seasons. 

Today, I was given a gift when I looked into my daughter's room and saw those posters up on the wall. It was a gift of healing. While the rules and regulations of my parents' religious affiliation attempted to rob me of something I loved, it has all come full circle for me. I may not have been able to play ball those last three years of high school, but a part of my adolescence came back to me that couldn't be destroyed. Seeing those pictures back up on the wall brought healing to my heart. By giving these items to my daughter and being a part of the freedom she has, I was able to let go.

After all these years, I think I'm ready to forgive.

29 Gifts - Day 2 - Today I give with intention

I woke up with the thought that I wanted to do something intentional as my gift today. My meditation became, "Today I give with intention." I knew what I was going to do as soon as that meditation crossed my heart and mind. It was all about the smiles for me today. 

Recently, a gentleman at the adult day center I volunteer at asked me, "Has anyone ever called you 'Perpetual?'"

I said, "No, they haven't. Why do you ask?"

He answered, "Because perpetual means always and you're always smiling. From now on, I'm going to call you 'Perpetual.'" 

I work at a senior living facility specializing in memory impairment, Alzheimer's, and dementia. One of the residents asked me last week why I was always so chipper and smiling. I told her it was because I can usually always find something to smile about. 

I've noticed that smiles go a long way. I try to smile as much as possible. It makes me happy and it makes the recipient happy. However, I wanted to be really intentional about my gift today and that's when I realized that  I could be very intentional with my smiles. My gift is something I saw on Pinterest a while ago and is something I've been wanting to do for a while. Before heading off to spend the day with my grandfather and then going to work afterwards, I whipped up a sign to hang up at work. 

When I  picked up my grandfather for our day out, I showed him the sign and two of the tabs fell off. At first I was disappointed because the sign wasn't intact anymore. Then I thought that it would be great motivation for people to see that they could take a tab because "someone else did." When my grandfather and I went to the market for his groceries, I took the two tabs that had fallen off in to the store with me in case I saw someone that could use one. I put one in the crease of the door on the car next to me. The other one, I gave to an older woman on the other side of the gas pump when I was filling up my truck. She looked to be having some trouble figuring out how to use the pump so I went around and helped her, then handed her the smile tab, and said, "Here's a smile for you. When you're finished with it, pass it on to someone else that needs it." She gave me a big smile in return and said, "Thank you." As she got into her car after finishing filling up, she gave me a wave and a big smile. 

When I got to work, I hung up the sign in the breakroom. I'm hoping people will take advantage of it....or even that they will smile when they look at it. 

Before I had even taken the sign to work or handed out the little tabs that had fallen off, I had already received a gift in advance. When I got to my grandfathers, I looked on his kitchen table to see if there were any bills he needed me to help him with. I saw a big manila envelope with my name written across it in black marker. I sat down and pulled the contents out, surprised and filled with memories at what came out. All of the posters and clippings that I had cut out of the basketball greats back in 1990 and 1991 came spilling out of that envelope. I had given them to my grandparents for safe keeping back in 1991; 22 years ago. 

Back in 1991, I was 14 years old and my parents had gotten involved with a very strict and legalistic form of Christianity. Today it's recognized as Christian Patriarchy. I was made to take all of my posters and clippings down off my wall. My parents wanted me to destroy them. Instead, I gave them to my grandparents for safe keeping. I had forgotten about them....until today. For 22 years, my grandparents have indeed kept them safe. My grandmother passed away 6 years ago and was the biggest safekeeper for me, but my grandfather has always taken it seriously, as well. 22 years after handing them over, they were given back to me. I realized what an amazing gift this was...a beautiful reminder that my grandparents have never judged me and have always supported me. What was important to me as a 14-year old girl whose whole world was being turned upside down was equally important to them and they safe guarded those things for me. I know that there are secrets, dreams, and longings that I shared with them many years ago (during those awful years of religious bondage that I was put under) that my grandparents will go to the grave with because they care deeply about my trust in them. I have never had to doubt that I could trust them with anything, no matter how silly it might have seemed at the time, and that is a gift that very few have given me. It was a gift I was reminded of all over again. 

My daughter is 13 years old and is in love with basketball. She's recently become a Michael Jordan fan, though he's retired a long time ago. Most of my posters and clippings are of Jordan. Tomorrow, I know what my gift will be for the day. I will pass those treasured parts of my adolescence on to her, knowing that she'll never have to take them down unless she absolutely wants to. 

29 Gifts - Day 1 of the challenge

I just finished reading Cami's book, "29 Gifts - How a Month of Giving can Change Your Life," on Monday afternoon and passed it on to a friend that I felt might find some inspiration in it. I wanted to wait until I had finished the book before I started my first day. I just felt that I needed to get the full bredth of the book and take in everything Cami had to say before I started. I joined the 29 Gifts site last week and have been waiting to get started. It's a beautiful site with lots of giving inspiration and personal stories and I've been anxious to share my own there.

Yesterday was my first day of giving. My meditation for the day was, "Today, I will give with enthusiasm." I was excited to see where this would all go and where the opportunity would pop up to give my first gift. It's very important to me to give without expectations, while still remaining open to receive. I don't want to give with the expectation that I'm going to get something in return, otherwise it would seem obligatory and mutually reciprocal. I want to give from the heart and with intention, but still be willing to open myself up with humility to receive with a grateful spirit.

I headed out in the morning to the laundromat and stopped at the bank on the way to pull out some money for the machines. I've always run a pretty tight ship when it comes to finances. We live paycheck to paycheck and we've been in danger of losing our house a couple times and so I usually pinch every penny, though we do try to give where we can. After I put all of the laundry into the washers and dumped my quarters in, I put the rest of the quarters in my pocket for when I would come back to use the dryers.

I then drove up to the kennel my friends own to drop off one of my dogs that has separation anxiety. He stays there during the day until my husband gets out of work and picks him up. I stayed at the kennel for a little while and talked to my friends while they groomed a couple of dogs. While there, I noticed that there was a sign-up sheet on the desk in the entry looking for donations for Woofstock (a local 5K run and fundraiser for the local animal humane shelter). I love my dogs and any animals, for that matter. I especially have a place in my heart for animal shelters and what they do for homeless pets. All three of our dogs and one of our cats were adopted through shelters. I did a quick calculation in my head of how much I would need to run the dryer at the laundromat and then took out $3 in quarters and put my name on the sheet. I wish that I had more to give, but this is what I DID have and I gave it enthusiastically. It wasn't until I got into my truck and started driving out of the kennel parking lot that the thought hit me, "I just gave my first gift!" I had a big smile on my face and felt energy fill my heart.

Quickly, though, my thoughts turned to the fact that I didn't even think about this being a gift until after I had given it and started to drive away. I remember Cami saying in her book that we shouldn't think about what does and doesn't count. My meditation had been to give with enthusiasm and that's exactly what I did. I didn't want to start the whole "counting" thing right out of the gate and so I put that out of my mind and have vowed not to let that enter my mind through the rest of my 29 days. I gave with enthusiasm and out of my scarcity and I was rewarded with a beautiful feeling inside.

As I've said, I don't want this experience to be about receiving, but I wanted to open my life and heart up to change and be willing to receive. Later in the day, I went to work and at the department meeting, our department head treated all of us to a beautiful lunch spread and a relaxing time to hang out with each other without having to think about work. I hadn't gotten a chance to eat before I left the house and this lunch, which my manager had put together by herself, really hit the spot. Because she's leaving our department, our manager gave each of us a parting gift. Each one of us received a beautiful potted flower with a pretty tag attached that said, "Best wishes as you grow." She explained that we're all growing in different ways and wants to wish us the best in whatever way that might be. It was such an appropriate gift to give, especially considering that it was the starting date of my 29 Day Giving Challenge. I want this challenge to make me grow in whatever way it leads me. The flower, my manger explained, is a symbol that we need to take care of it and nurture it as it grows into something beautiful. It couldn't have been given at a better time. It now sits in my kitchen window sill and I made sure it got watered as soon as I got home.

Another gift that I received was also from my departing manager. Last week, I had put a request in that I could get one day shift a week so that I could spend one extra night with my husband and kids at home. My work shift is 1-9 pm and I usually arrive home at 9:30 pm and everyone is in bed and asleep. I recently went back to work full time out of the house at the beginning of the year, after 14 years of working for myself. It has been a big transition for all of us. I see my husband for all of 15 minutes in the morning when I drive him to work. I see my kids for about 45 minutes until they leave for school. I get to see my kids a little bit longer when they have an appointment for the doctor or the dentist. Other than that, I see my family on Saturday mornings, all day Sunday, and Monday afternoons and evenings. My husband and I have resorted to writing each other notes and leaving them on the counter to find Tuesdays through Fridays. I really do need the day time open each day so that I can work on my school work (I'm working on a degree in Human Serices) and so that I can be available for the kids' appointments (my son is autistic) but it still takes its toll on all of us. We've worked out way into the groove of it, but it's not one that we prefer. My manager pulled me aside yesterday afternoon to let me know that starting in May, I'll be able to do the 9-5 shift on Thursdays. Needless to say, my husband, son, and daughter are thrilled! So am I! This gives us the gift of quality time together one extra night a week.

So, for my first day of giving, I've already felt the momentum build up. I received the gift of a beautiful and symbolic flower, time to spend with my coworkers, and the promise of upcoming time with my family.

I truly live a blessed life.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Marshmallow Bars

I'm in the Activities department at The Arbors, which is a senior living facility that specializes in Alzheimers and dementia. I love being with the residents and encouraging their artistic side to come out. This month, I've started doing "Erika's Food Creations" on Saturday afternoons and ther esidents get to help me make a recipe and then we all taste test what we've made. They really seem to enjoy it and I love coming up with new recipes to try out. 

I recently found a recipe on Pinterest and I tweaked it to make it easy to eat for the residents. We made "Chocolate Peanut Butter Marshmallow Bars." While the residents, their guests, and I were eating them, we started coming up with more alternatives that I'd like to try out in the future.

Here's the recipe that I came up with - SO easy!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Marshmallow Bars

3 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 1/2 cup peanut butter 

1 cup white chocolate chips

2 bags marshmallows

pan spray

large cookie sheet or sheet pan

aluminum foil

1. Cover a sheet pan with aluminum foil and spray generously with pan spray.
2. Use the microwave to melt the semi-sweet chocolate chips and then mix in the peanut butter. The heat of the melted chocolate should make it easy to melt and mix in the peanut butter. 
3. Pour marshmallows into a mixing bowl and then pour chocolate-peanut butter mixure over it and mix together. 
4. Spread out on sheet pan. 
5. Melt white chocolate chips in microwave and then use a spoon or fork to drizzle white chocolate over the sheet pan. 
6. Put in fridge to cool and set up for about an hour. Cut and serve. 

Alternative options the residents and I came up with:

• Break up some graham crackers and place on bottom of sheet pan before pouring the chocolate-peanut butter-marshmallow mixture on. It's like peanut butter s'mores!
• Use chunky peanut butter in the mixture instead of creamy peanut butter.
• One resident thought that adding some molasses in the mix would be a good idea. 
• Sprinkle slivered or sliced almonds on top. 

What kinds of alternatives can YOU think of?

"Zach: Uncensored" - The first chapter

Not long after David and I took a pregnancy test and found out that we were expecting Zach, I started a few letters to our future little one. I thought it was appropriate to start out the new book, Zach: Uncensored, (<--- click) with some of those letters. It only made sense to start the book with the first letter I wrote and so here is Chapter 1 as a preview. 

 

July 9, 1998

Dear Little One,

It's exactly two weeks since we found out about you. Actually, we had a suspicion   a week before that about you being there. I've meant since then to start writing like this but I waited until I got this separate notebook just for you. Someday, when you're old enough, you can read it through. This is your story. There's so much to write, I don't quite know where to start. 

It's 5:35 in the morning right now. Your daddy just left for work. He gets up so early to make a good life for us. As for me, I've really been awake since 4:15 am. You've been keeping me up these past few nights. I haven't been feeling the best but that's all part of bringing you into the world. Your daddy and I are so excited about you becoming part of our family. You're our first child! Of course, we don't know if you'll be a boy or a girl yet. It's still too early to tell. We are just going to wait and be surprised. For the next seven and a half months, though, I think my curiosity will drive me nuts!

Two weeks ago, we were staying in Vermont with my family - your grandparents and uncles. We surprised them by showing up without notice to spend four nights with them at the end of our two weeks anniversary vacation. The next morning, June 25th, I took the home pregnancy test and there were two pink lines. You existed! Just like we have through and hoped and prayed! I was so excited! I hurried out of the bathroom and into the bedroom to tell your daddy about you. He was still sleeping; it was only about 7 am. I shook him awake and put the test in front of him and said, "Guess what this means!" It took a little while for him to grasp the meaning of it all because he was half asleep still. Eventually, though, he caught on. In some ways, we still find ourselves daring to believe it. We prayed for you to come and when we finally knew you were there, it seemed too good to be true. But it's certainly true and it's also certainly good. I've prayed for you for a long time. 

Your daddy and I lay in bed and hugged each other tightly. We prayed and thanked God for you. It seemed like we were starting a whole new life. All kinds of thoughts started going through my head. Your upcoming birth. What would it feel like? Baby showers. The months that I would carry you in my belly. How would that feel? Would it be easy or would I have bad morning sickness? How big would I get? When should I start buying maternity clothes? There were so many things to think about; so many plans to be made. 

We woke up my brothers and told them and my parents to come into the living room. We told them they were going to be grandparents and uncles. They also were very excited! Your grandfather (he wants to be called Opa) prayed for you right then and there. He thanked God that you were going to be a part of our family and prayed that you would grow to be healthy and that someday you would become a part of God's family, as well. 

We called your great-grandparents on my side and told them about you and they were also very happy about you. Your Opa is telling everyone he know that he's going to be a grandfather. 

9:15 am 

I was finally able to get some more sleep.  I was so tired. Since this past Monday, my morning sickness has only gotten worse. I've thrown up once but mostly it's just a very nauseous feeling that I have: an upset stomach, my head hurts, my muscles ache, and I get dizzy and lightheaded very easily. I haven't been able to go down to the horse barn this week yet because I just can't stand up for too long. 

I've been trying to eat very healthy so you will be healthy, too. There are some foods that I love that right now I can't stand. I hope I'm doing a good job. 

When we came home from Vermont, we told your daddy's parents and his brothers and my sister about you. They are all excited!

You should be born somewhere around the first week of March. Your due date is March 7th. My mother, your Nana, is planning to be here when you're born. She is looking forward to helping me with you. Of course, your daddy will be here, too. If he is at work, I'll call him and he'll rush right home. Our first midwife appointment is August 17th at 6:30 pm. The lady that is going to help deliver you is named Patty Lee. I've never met her before but your Aunt Kerri goes to her and says she is very nice. Many people we know have had her deliver their babies. She will come to our home and deliver you. You will be born right here in our little cozy apartment where it is warm and full of love. Your daddy and I will be so happy to finally have you here with us here at home where you belong - with us. We will love you so very, very, very much. 

Only a month or so after you are born, our little family (we'll be three then, not just two) will move to Vermont to start a new life. Vermont is beautiful and I know you'll love growing up there. The piece of land we picked out has a beautiful view of the Adirondack Mountains in New York. The lake is not far away and Nana and Opa and your uncles will only be three miles away. You will grow up with horses, cats, chickens, goats, birds, and all kinds of animals around you and you'll go swimming in Lake Champlain and fishing with your daddy. You and I will take walks together and draw pictures and tell stories and play make-believe. And hopefully your daddy and I can give you brothers and sisters to play with. We are going to be one big, close, happy family.  

You are only seven weeks old in my belly right now (it will be seven weeks this Sunday). We'd hardly know you were there since my belly hasn't gotten big yet but we do know you're there. On August 17th, at the midwife's office, you will be 12 weeks in my belly and Patty said we will probably be able to hear your heartbeat. I long just to hear your heartbeat, to hear you growing inside of me, growing. I long also for that day, seven and a half months from now, when we can welcome you into our family and I can hold you in my arms finally. To kiss your little hands and feet and your sweet little head. To look into your eyes and we can be able to see each other. 

Well, I will put this notebook aside for now. I will keep writing in it throughout the entire time you are in my belly and even after you are born. 

One more thing. Your daddy and I pray for you every day, many times during the day. Grow strong and health, my little one. I can't wait to see you. 

Pre-order (even MORE info about the book HERE <--- click)

Zach: Uncensored

$16.00 (shipping included)
(Books start shipping at the end of April, 2013)

$1.00 from the proceeds of each book will be donated to Austism Support Daily. 

(approved by the IRS as a 501(C)3 non-profit, charitable

organization.)

"At Autism Support Daily, we are dedicated to empowering, supporting and educating families and friends of children with autism as well as individuals with autism by providing guidance, support, informational resources and family-oriented activities, in addition to financial assistance for medical, educational or professional services, treatments or programs for those with autism, while building a heightened public and professional awareness of the challenges faced, with emphasis on enabling those with autism to achieve independent living."

Zach: Uncensored - book pre-order!

It's happening! It's REALLY happening!

Zach: Uncensored, the book, is due to launch on at the end of May, 2013!

This book is 160 pages of our story. The story of Zach. It's an ongoing story...there's never a dull moment in the Martin Household. 

We never know what's going to come out of Zach's mouth or what he's going to do, but he never ceases to surprise us and I write them all down. This book is a collection of:

• Zach-isms
• Stories of Zach's crazy escapades 
• Stories and poems that Zach has written
• Pictures of Zach
• Pictures that Zach has drawn
• Elise's perspective of being Zach's sister
• David's perspective of being Zach's father
• A special foreword by Zach's teacher, Laura Husk (a true angel)
• and so much more!

160 pages of laughs, inspiration, a look into the Martin household, and the amazing & brilliant world of autism from a family that truly embraces differences in each other.

Each copy of Zach's book will have:

• a special stamped image of a cricket that Zach carved himself 

Pre-order

Zach: Uncensored

$16.00 (shipping included)
(Books start shipping at the end of May, 2013)

$1.00 from the proceeds of each book will be donated to Austism Support Daily. 

(approved by the IRS as a 501(C)3 non-profit, charitable

organization.)

"At Autism Support Daily, we are dedicated to empowering, supporting and educating families and friends of children with autism as well as individuals with autism by providing guidance, support, informational resources and family-oriented activities, in addition to financial assistance for medical, educational or professional services, treatments or programs for those with autism, while building a heightened public and professional awareness of the challenges faced, with emphasis on enabling those with autism to achieve independent living."

First "official" bariatrics program appointment

My appointment at the Bariatrics center on Monday was very different from the last time I went for my psych evaluation. I was surprised when I came home from Florida and got the phone call to set up my appointment to meet with the surgeon so I assumed I must have passed the psych eval. I went to my therapy appointment yesterday morning and my therapist told me that she had gotten a chanced to talk to the center psychologist and made it clear to me that she would be here to support me in any way possible through therapy. 

I weighed in for the official start of the program, had my blood pressure and pulse taken, then answered a bunch of questions about allergies and medications. One of the dieticians stopped in to talk over with me what I need to lose as a pre-op requirement as well as diet requirements. She gave me the Calorie King book and told me I needed to keep a food journal (ACK!). Food journals are the bane of my existence when it comes to weight loss. Two years ago, I kept track of all my food on SparkPeople and got so obsessive about it. Even without using a food journal, I know all the calories that go into my mouth. I tally them up in my head, but for some reason, writing them down or recording them online scares the crap out of me. I'm always afraid of hitting that wall when I get so obsessive and compulsive about recording everything that I end up feeling guilty about anything and everything I put in my mouth. I really do need to let go of the black and white. I tell myself this all the time and one of my therapists also tells me this every time I go to see her. 

The dietician also talked about exercise and said that I need to get at least 150 minutes in each week. She asked what I love to do and walking was my answer. I do love to walk and bringing my dogs along makes me happy so I'm going to try to get out more often. This summer has been pretty brutal with heat and humidity but that's starting to break and cooler air is on the way. The kids will also be heading back to school at the end of the month and I always seem to be more motivated to go for a walk right after they get picked up by the bus. 

Then I met with the surgeon. He was an absolute peach. He's an older middle-eastern man with a lovely accent and a bubbly personality. He made me feel right at ease and comfortable from the moment he walked in the door. I felt like he really understood where I was coming from. After we talked for a while, he ordered some tests for me. 

So.....coming up at the end of the month, I go in to drink barium and have my insides checked out, as well as an ultra-sound. The day after Labor Day, I go in for an upper endoscopy. I still haven't decided whether or not I want to do the surgery, but I'm going to proceed with the program in case I do decide on it. It's a 6- month process until the surgery is done, so I want to proceed now and can always back out later if I decide to.