Martin Family Adventure

Ready for another round?

I know I say this a lot, but there really IS never a dull moment in the Martin household. Sometimes I picture God sitting up in heaven, his feet propped up on some pillows and he's enjoying a bowl of popcorn while he watches the goings-on in our family. He doesn't need TV because he has the Martin family to watch. 

Saturday night, we had planned to have some family and friends for poker night. It was kind of last minute since I had driven to NH to meet my mom half-way from RI to pick up my grandfather and bring him home. One by one, people backed out and by 7 pm, we assumed it was just going to be a quiet night at home. 

Quiet night at home? Yeah, right! Girly decided she wanted to do a make-over on David because I'm allergic to make-up. Since she can't do make-overs on me and there's no way Zach would let her, David is usually game. He's let her paint his nails in the past and he's gone to work like that. The guys made fun of him but he's quite secure in his sexuality. 

Girly put bright blue eye shadow on David and made it go all the way up to his eyebrows. It was at that moment, when she finished, that the dogs started barking and we knew someone was here. His buddy from work had shown up with his girlfriend, so that's how David met them at the door. They made sure to tell him that he looked quite sexy, though I think it will be a while before the world can accept someone bringing sexy back that looks like that! I only wish I had a picture to share with you!

***************************************************************************

Zach is up to his usual antics today and it all happened before 8:30 am. 

I looked in the kitchen to find Zach all the way at the top of the cupboards (we have a slightly valuted ceiling in our house). He was doing it to get laughs from Girly and my neice and nephew. He got laughs from them but he didn't get any from me. I told him to get down and that the cupboards are not made to hold his weight. His answer?

"Well, they didn't break!"

Whatever, Zach. 

**************************************************************************

In the midst of writing this, before 10 am, Girly has managed to dump over a pitcher of pink lemonade all over the kitchen floor. Her way of cleaning it up is to throw a dish towel on the floor, stand on top of it and shimmy across the floor while pushing lemonade across the floor and not really cleaning it up. 

Seriously? I give up. 

******************************************************************************

But back to Zach. He has a habit of cussing at inanimate objects when they don't do what he wants them to do or something isn't working out to his liking. 

He also has an affection for peanut butter. He'll walk around with a jar of PB and a big serving spoon. He'd finish off a whole jar in 15 minutes if I let him (which I don't). 

This morning, he was trying to get as much of the PB out of the jar as he could so he was digging the spoon and his hand into the jar. That meant that he got PB on his hands. He went to the sink to wash off his hands...but if you remember, we don't have hot water right now so it's kind of hard to wash PB off unless you're patient, use a lot of soap and wipe your hands in between with paper towels. 

He was getting really frustrated that it wasn't coming off his hands, so as he usually does with inanimate objects, he let loose with, "F&*% YOU, Peanut butter!"

Oh, Zach, you do have a way with words.

Now, remember, this is all before 8:30 am!

*****************************************************************************

A little while ago, the DHL delivery guy just stopped by with the last of my college textbooks that I need for this semester. My niece met the guy at the door.....looking like this:

Complete with uni-brow, goatee and swirled mustache. 

Damn, we're on a roll! 10 am and we've started  the day off strong. 

I told you the day wasn't over yet!

This is a continuation of the day that I posted about HERE.

My kids don't start school till next Wednesday so there's still a little time left to enjoy the rest of the summer here in northern Vermont. Since I had my neice and nephew here today, as well, we all took a trip down to the lake, which is only 2.5 miles down the road. 

Girly and Hannah rode bikes down and being the mother and aunt that I am, I was a bit cautious to let two beautiful young blonde girls ride 2.5 miles down to the lake through a stretch that didn't have too many houses around, so I drove either behind or in front of them (at times) and kept them in my sights. Yes, it took a lot longer to drive to the lake this way, but they're precious to me so I wanted to make sure they were safe. 

The lake was a bit on the cold side, but that didn't stop the girls from going in and it didn't stop Zach from going in to the still part with his net and his jar to catch minnows. It DID stop Ethan (my nephew) from going in so he sat on his towel and ate food. 

Zach started off by catching two minnows before they realized that they needed to get the heck away from him. When he realized the minnows had left, he proclaimed, "My eyes have turned to shit." This is as opposed to when things are going his way and he claims, "My eyes have turned to hearts." 

That was just the start of the cuss words today. On the way home from the lake, he told me, "Mom, when you tell me to do something I don't want to do or to go somehwere I don't want to go, my ears turn to f**kers." 

Eventually, the fish came back and he caught quite a few. He asked if he could put a couple into the fish tank at home and I said it was okay. Later that night, David said, "Erika, remember that baby bass that Zach put in the fish tank a couple weeks ago? I think it laid eggs because there's a ton of baby fish in the tank." 

That's when I realized that Zach didn't put a "couple" fish in the tank. He put ALL the fish he caught in the tank. 

(Yes, I know Zach is insanely skinny. He eats like a pig, though, and the doctor says he's healthy and active and that's all the matters.)

*************************************************************************

It's pretty crazy to see what kids come up with to play with. We didn't take anything with us to the lake, like floaties, buckets and shovels, etc. Kids are usually pretty resourceful when they don't have any toys with them. 

My poor kids have the shallow end of the gene pool, but so do my niece and nephew. Their mother is my sister and their father is my husband's brother. Yes, if you do the math right, it's not as gross as it sounds when you first hear it. My sister's kids can be just as crazy as my own kids. 

Hannah found a plank of wood and a piece of charred wood from an extinguished bonfire and made a sign. Yes, it says, "Welcome, now go away." 

When we left, we propped it up on the beautiful and artistic looking piece of driftwood at the top of the beach, where everyone can see it when they arrive. We're just evil like that. >:) 

 **************************************************************************

So, that was my Friday. I hope yours was less eventful than mine. :)

A day of misadventures

Today has been morphing into a day of misadventures. 

Here's a conversation that transpired between Zach and I this morning (very reminiscent of yesterday's coversation):

Zach: Mom have you washed those spoons yet?

Me: No, not yet. I'm planning to get to that sometime today. 

Zach: Those dishes have been there for at least two day or maybe months! 

Me: Zach, they've only been there for a day. 

Zach: Then when am I going to get a clean spoon?

Me: When you wash one for yourself. 

Zach: I told you yesterday to get your butt out there and wash them. 

Me: And I told you yesterday that you can wash them yourself and not to talk to me that way. If you're so impatient, then would you like to wash the dishes for me?

Zach: No!

Me: Then be more patient and show some more respect.

Zach: I'm sorry, Mom.

Erika: I forgive you.

Zach: Thank you, Mom.

Me: You're welcome, Zach.

Zach: I love you, Mom.

Me: I love you, too. 

For the record, I finally did get to the dishes today after heating up a couple pots of water on the stove. Before I got to that, though, Zach washed his own spoon. 

******************************************************************************

I finally told Girly that she was not wearing her pair of jean shorts for another day longer and that she needed to take them off and put them in the washer. They could have walked there on their own, they were that nasty. She put up a fuss about it, but I won in the end. I told her to wash up and get another pair of undies and shorts on. She insisted that she had no other shorts to wear, which I knew to be bull-kaka because I had just washed and folded a bunch of shorts that I made for her earlier in the summer. Right now, though, she's on a jean shorts kick. She brought out another pair of jeans for me and asked me to cut them down to make shorts. I told her I would deal with it later today. She put up a fit and insisted she was going to cut them down herself. I told her that if she did, I wasn't going to hem them for her. She insisted that she could do it herself since she has her own sewing machine and knows how to sew. 

She laid her pants on the floor of my craft studio and was about to cut them herself. WITH A ROTARY CUTTER AND NO MAT! Yes, she was going to use my berber carpet as a cutting mat with a wicked sharp rotary cutter. I had to invoke the threat of calling Dad at work just to get her to stop. So, what does she do? Throws the jeans on my craft table and also throws the rotary cutter. The saying, "don't throw scissors" also covers any other cutting tool, including rotary cutters. 

She yelled at me and I sent her to her room. She came out a little bit later with a pair of capris on and crying because she felt so bad for the way she treated me. She hugged me and apologized. It's nice to know that time outs actually work and that she's thinking through her actions and making things right. See? There's no need for violent parenting. 

*****************************************************************************

Back to Zach, he asked me this morning if he could climb on the roof of the house. I told him, "Absolutely not!" A little bit later, I hear my neice yelling to me, "Zach is walking on the house!"

Yup, I go outside and Zach is walzing back and forth across the roof of the house. Apparently, he only heard the word, "Absolutely," and didn't hear the "not!"

I told him to "GET DOWN FROM THERE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?"

He said, "Oh, Mom, that was SOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOL!"

*bangs my forehead with my hand*

After we talked about the consequences of walking on the roof and explaining that Dad is only allowed to because he's careful, has experience and he was up there to fix something, he ended up with a time-out in his room. 

*************************************************************************

My niece and nephew are here for the day while my sister is at work. They love the trampoline and so do the neighbor's grandkids. They usually play nice together, but I had to go out and have a talk with my neighbor's granddaughter, explaining to her that, "No, you can't kick Hannah in the crotch on purpose." She promptly through a 6-year old temper tantrum and told me that she was going home forever. I just replied, "Okay." Really, what else was I supposed to say? She offered!

**************************************************************************

Speaking of the neighbor's granddaughter, she was outside a bit later and eating an orange. She asked Zach if he wanted part of it. He said yes and she handed it to him and he quickly rolled it across the street and into the ditch on the other side of the road. 

I got a knock on my door telling me all of this, so I handed a replacement orange to her and then called Zach to me so that I could ask him what was going on. His answer?

"She asked me if I wanted some and I told her yes, but I was really kidding and just wanted to roll it across the street."

It was an honest answer, but then he had to give an honest apology. 

That's when I realized he hadn't yet had his Concerta for the morning. 

****************************************************************************

And to think that all of this happened before 10 am. The day is still young so I guess it's not really a "day of misadventures," it's only been a morning of misadventures......*sigh.* There's still another 8 or so hours to go. 

Not sure what goes through their heads

I really wonder what goes through the heads of the two little people I live with. 

The other night, Girly told me that her feet really itched. I asked if she got bit by a mosquito on them and she informed me that she was playing "Truth or Dare" with the neighbor's grandson and he dared her to walk through a patch of poison ivy with bare feet. Just like her mother, she's not one to back out of a dare and walked through the patch of poison ivy. I washed her feet and hands down with Technu to get the oils off of her so that it wouldn't spread any further. Did she really think, with the generational curse of poison ivy that we have in our family, that she wasn't going to be affected by it? Really, what was going through her head?

Then there's Zach. Right now, we don't have hot water. The propane ran out and that's the only thing we use propane for. Instead of filling it right now when we need to get our van worked on, Idecided to put it off and we've been without hot water for almost a month now. It's summer and there's always the pool to cool off in (or the lake or nearby streams), I've been heating up a pot of hot water to do dishes as well as for taking "showers." To be honest, I don't even miss it much. It's just become a way of life the past month. 

So, back to Zach. He wanted to eat a bowl of cereal and there were no clean spoons since I didn't get to those yesterday before needing to head out for student orientation at the college last night. He asked if there were any clean spoons and I told him no. He pointed towards the kitchen and said, "Then get your butt in the kitchen and wash some!" 

Oh yes, he said it. My response was to tell him that he could get his own butt in the kitchen and wash his own spoon and to show me some respect next time. Considering that he has no filter and there's autism at play, I don't get too worked up over things like this, but channel him in the other direction. Even with Girly, I try not to freak out too much. Hey, they're kids. They're still learning the ropes. I get to help with that while they're still living at home. 

Last week, Zach asked me, "Hey, Mom. What if we were all born with our butts on our head?" I wanted to answer, "Then we'd all be butt-heads," but I figured I didn't need to give him any more ammo in his language arsenal. He said, "We'd all have to put our whole heads in the toilet just to poop!" I have a vivid imagination and I started laughing just imagining it. How does this stuff go through his head?

Lazy summer day adventures down at the river

One of the things that I love about summer is the amount of time that we spend outside. The winter lasts so long here in northern Vermont. I try to spend as much time outside to soak in the sun, the fresh air and the relaxation. Yesterday, my niece and nephew came over for the day, so I took them and my kids to a nearby river for some fun. We were the only ones there. Another couple showed up just as we were leaving. 

Girly and her cousin, Hannah, made and packed the lunches. I brought along a book that I haven't wanted to put down since I started it (Little Princes, if you're interested in a really great and feel-good non-fiction read). Zach brought his nets and jar to catch fish in. It was a relaxing couple of hours and I could have stayed longer. 

Isn't it beautiful? This is tucked on a backroad behind a bunch of brush and trees. You wouldn't even know that it's there unless someone else told you about it. The sound of the water coming over the falls is hypnotic. 

Ethan and Zach were intent on catching the little fish that swam in the shallows. Zach brought along one of his containers to put the fish in to bring them home. 

Zach caught a small brook trout and brought it home and put it in our fish tank. So far, it's doing fine, but the other fish don't seem to like him and they're hiding from him in a corner of the tank. I told Zach that eventually, we're going to have to return Mr. Brook Trout to the river because he's going to get too big for the tank and we don't need him eating the other fish. 

Here's a video that I took while we were there. I find it hilarious that Zach is already telling "fish stories." The brook trout that he caught in the video is supposedly a lot bigger in Zach's mind than it is when you look at it with your eyes. 

He says he's an explorer...

Not only does Zach love to climb trees, he also loves to flip himself over on the monkey bars at the school. Since school is out for the summer, he figured out a way that he can do this at home. 

He found a tree that had a branch low enough to use as a bar, then swings himself over it. He's been known to hang by his knees from it, too. 

He swings his legs through and then drops to the ground. Again, this boy needs a helmet! 

The other day, I asked him why his legs were so bruised, scraped up and dirty. He told me, "Probably because I'm an explorer. And a tree climber. Oh, and I catch bugs all day." 

That seems like a good enough reason to me!

This child will be the cause of my heart attack some day

There's never a dull moment here at the Martin house. 

Zach has recently taken to climbing trees. He said that he wants to start a camp for kids called "Tree Climbing Camp." Of course, in order for him to have a camp, he has to know just how to climb trees. 

Zach is pretty much fearless when it comes to stuff like this. For a while, he was climbing trees with his Crocs on. Never let it be said that there's nothing you can't do with Crocs on. I think Zach has pretty much found a way to do everything with Crocs on, including tree climbing. I got too worried about him slipping in a tall tree, so we got rid of the Crocs so that he has no choice but to use his sneakers. 

Not everyone is as excited about Zach's talents as he is. We've been "talked to" by the grounds keeper at the doctor's office, he's been scolded by the lifeguards at the community pool and he's been chided by the manger at Toys R Us. He's told to get down and his response is usually, "Stupid, dumbass people. I'm a careful climber. Jackasses. Ruined my day. Now it's a stupid, shit day." Hey, at least he's honest, though we do have a talk afterwards about appropriate language. 

I'm sure you can imagine the potential cardiac arrest when Girly told me to come outside and see where Zach was. 

Yes, I'll admit, that I came back in to get the camera AND the video camera and then went back out. For the record, when I went out the first time, Zach was ALL THE WAY AT THE TOP of this tree. This tree is about 50-ish feet tall! I told him to get down but to do it carefully. He was laugning and giggling at the top of the tree while swaying back and forth. The potential cardiac arrest became even more potential when I realized that on the other side of this tree were power lines. Needless to say, tree climbing in our trees along the hedgerow is banned. I prayed the whole time he was on his way down. 

While he was at the top of the tree, he said, "This is SO cool, Mom! Things look so different from up here. You look so small down there." He was completely fascinated by the perspective on his yard from way up there. I hate to be the one to crush that curiosity and fascination, but come on, he was at the top of a 50+ foot tall tree - with power lines on the other side!

I swear, I'm gonna have to wrap that kid in bubble wrap and put a helmet on him. 

On his way down from that big, tall oak tree, he jumped over to a smaller tree for the rest of the climb. 

I'm tellin' ya, this kid is going to be the cause of my heart attack one day. Well, him or his father. At least I know that's where he gets it from .

Let puberty begin!

When I was pregnant with my second child back in 1999, I thought it was so smart to have my kids so close together. They're 13 1/2 months apart. One was born in 1999 and the second arrived in 2000. I figured I could get the diapering over with at the same time and as they grew up, they'd be the best of friends and play together. They'd always have someone close in age to play with. 

Yeah, that didn't work out quite like I planned it. My son was diagnosed with autism when he was a wee little one and didn't get out of diapers until he was 7 years old. My daughter, though a neuro-typical child, refused to potty train because she figured that if her brother could poop and pee in his pants and he was a year old than her, then why couldn't she? It wasn't until around her 4th birthday that she decided she was done pooping and peeing in her diaper and switched over to big girl panties cold turkey. I knew she could do it, she just didn't want to if she didn't have to. She's always been a bit stubborn, that girl-child. One day, I sat down and figured out that with only two children, I put in 11 years worth of diapering - 7 years with the boy-child and 4 years with the girl-child. I know that's not a record or anything, but it was more than I ever thought I would have to do when my wee ones entered the world. 

They also aren't the best of friends. I should have known they'd have the same type of sibling relationship that my sister and I had. We're 15 months apart. Or that my brother and I have. We're 18 months apart. My girl-child and boy-child have the typical sibling relationship of liking each other one minute and not being able to stand each other the next minute. They argue, they know how to push each other's buttons, they will sometimes hit each other. Yup, it's the same way that it was with my siblings, except that I didn't dare swear at my siblings and both of my kids have potty mouths when they get upset with each other. Sure, I thought it when I was their age, but I would have had my mouth washed out with soap if I ever tried that as a child. 

One thing that I didn't think about when I had my kids so close together is that we'd be dealing with a boy-child AND a girl-child going through puberty at the same time. Let me assure you that this is even more challenging than the diapering issue or the sibling rivalry. 

The hormones have definitely started on both fronts and they're manifesting themselves in ways we weren't quite prepared for. 

The boy-child wants to know everything about penises and sex. 

The girl-child wants to argue with absolutely everything we say. 

Zach asked me the other night, "Mom, are there bones in my penis?"

I told him, "No, there aren't any bones in your penis." 

He asked, "Then, is that why it's usually always floppy and squishy?"

I said, "That sounds about right." I mean, what else was I supposed to say? I wanted to laugh, but I've tried not to do that when the kids have legitimate questions about their body parts, puberty, sex, etc. I want them to always feel comfortable asking me questions and talking to me about that kind of stuff. So far, so good. But it doesn't stop my hubby and I from chuckling a bit later on because it IS funny. 

And then there's the girl-child. I was at the store wtih her a couple months ago on a grocery run and I picked a box of tampons off the shelf. I asked her if she knew what they were. She said they were pads, so I corrected her and told her what they were. No embarrassment on her part. That's a good sign. But....what came out next was super funny. 

She said, "You still need those at YOUR age, Mom?"

Um, hello! I'm ONLY 34! I'm the young parent when it comes to her classmates. Most of the parents of her classmates are at least 8 or more years older than me. 

I counteracted that one by telling her that most women need those until they're close to 50, sometimes a few years past that. She responded with, "Oh, crap. That sucks." 

Welcome to puberty, kids. 

Welcome to our adventurous world of OCD and cussing

This is definitely one of those "The Good, Bad and Ugly" posts. Where I let it all hang out.

Some people ask me what a normal day with Zach is like. Well, that depends on what his OCD is focusing on at the time or what autistic quirks are showing themselves at the time. Since his recent "thing" is swearing, that's pretty much what a normal day is like with Zach right now.

I was just going through my video camera on the computer to download videos I wanted to save, make room on the camera and get rid of the ones I didn't want to keep. Every now and then, the kids will take the camera and it's always a surprise to me when I download videos. I get some keepers, for sure.

Here's one that Girly took. She was apparently spying on Zach so that she could bust him and tattle to David with video evidence in hand. Since they're at school right now, I can laugh without them hearing me.

Needless to say, this recent OCD behaviour with the swearing becomes a big issue in school and it's pretty much pointless to tell people in public that this is due to his autism and OCD because I don't always want to be labeling Zach and especially not in front of him. We're working on this, but we're at a loss at the moment. 

You have your fair warning. There's lots of f-bombs (that's his favorite cuss word) and other unsavory words.  In the meantime, welcome to my world! It can be frightening, hilarious, frustrating and rewarding all at the same time.

101 ways Zach finds to use the F-word...Way #2

My kiddos are both home today as they haven't been fever-free for 24 hours. They should be good to go back to school tomorrow. In the meantime, being home and having their normal routine disrupted by this yucky virus has turned them a bit bored and cranky with each other, even more than they usually are. 

Zach loves to watch "Dora the Explorer." He never got into it when Girly was in her "Dora Phase." Girly, being almost 11 years old now, thinks Dora is stupid and childish and Zach, at 12 years old, thinks the show is fascinating. 

After Zach watched an hour of Dora this morning, Girly wanted to turn the channel to something else. This is conversation that I was treated to:

Zach: But I want to keep watching Dora!

Girly: But you watched Dora for an hour already!

Zach: But I want to keep watching Dora!

Girly: I'm turning something else on. Dora is stupid.

Zach: But I want to keep watching Dora!

Girly: No, I'm watching something else.

Zach: But I want to keep watching Dora!

Girly: Too bad. I'm changing the channel.

Zach: Holy F&CK!

Girly: Mom! Zach dropped the F-Bomb!

 

Yes, welcome to my world and Zach's Way #2 to use the F-Word.